Ahoy, Ahoy! Welcome friends to my List of Holiday Booty! Or “Holiday Gift Guide” for all you land legged folk. The treasures I’ve found are only appropriate for the manliest of sea faring men. If the salty-sea-air is your favorite cologne and you wrestle sea lions for fun, then you’ve come to the right place. These handy items will help you on your mainly sea adventures, and may just save your life!
Nothing is more Manly than being multifunctional. And that’s just what the Eat N Tool is. It’s a spork, a bottle opener, and it’s got three hex wrenches. Plus it’s got a carabineer so you don’t drop it in the sea after you’re full, drunk, and all your hex bolts are loosened. Get it here.
It’s time to start shaving like a man! Throw out those multi bladed orange peelers and get a shave the way it should be done! This shaving kit is covered in skulls and crossbones, warning weaker men of it’s real shaving power. But it’s not just the packaging that makes this kit. Slather on the included shaving cream and chissel out a smooth manly mug with it’s “Cut throat” razor. Then rub down your new cut jawline with the aloe infused after shaving balm. After this shave, you’ll never drag another 10 bladed monstrosity across your face again. Get it here.
It’s longshoreman season! Get ready for this year’s crab haul with a brand new raincoat. You’ll be the talk of the galley when you scuttle in wearing this .30mm PVC masterpiece. With a hood drawstring and cuff snaps to keep your bones dry, plus two deep pockets for all the frozen fish sticks you can eat. Get it here.
Land ho! Now you can spot your great white whale or (find out which of the the neighbors dogs has been pooping on your lawn) with this Captains Telescope. It’s made of seaworthy brass and comes in a nautical rosewood box for the fancy Mr Sea Pants. Get it here.
Swab the poop deck! Or just let your sailors know where it is with this handy 6” sign. Available in a variety of different finishes this solid brass sign is great addition to any seafaring gents abode. Get it here.
Navigate to Cuba AND tell time with this handsome brass beauty. It’s an intricate fully functioning piece of high-seas, high-tech machinery. You’ll be the talk of the captains lounge! Get it here.
It’s time to go catch a whopper the way MEN do! Now you can swim right up to any fish you want for dinner and shoot him in the face. Stop messing around with sticks and string! Jump right into the ocean and start harpooning some scaley sea tunas yourself . This spear gun is intimidating with its compact design, aerospace grade aluminum construction, and grip. It won’t matter if your wrestling a giant octopus 10 meters below or quelling a mutiny on poop deck of your ship, you’ll want this pretty lady by your side. Get it here.Read More!